I have no sex drive and my husband is mad: How to fix lower sex drive in women

Hi, I am Ivy. It was supposed to be my love story, but it isn’t. I didn’t know how to deal with my problem. “I have no sex drive and my husband is mad”, this was all I could chant on those gloomy days. let me tell you from the beginning.

I met Neil a couple of years back at a common friend’s place. We both were freshly graduated from college. It was love at first sight. Yes. He was funny, charming and above all very attentive. We just slipped into a relationship. We had dated for over three years and then he proposed me for marriage. We were a perfect couple. In front of our family. In front of our friends. And, above of all we thought the same way. So, we got married.

What a blissful life we had. But, couldn’t imagine it’s just like a bubble on  the surface of a big ocean. My desire for sex became extremely unavailable. It’s not that I was not in love with him anymore. I was. Very much so. I loved him even more. But my expression with portrayal of love had changed. I was not inclined to sex anymore. Every time I started feeling anxious rather than being excited.

Initially Neil tried a lot to cope with my withdrawal. I fell in love with him one more time seeing his patience. But how long could he hold himself back. Every day’s disappointments and frustration started gulping our marriage. We were no more happy. He started arguing whether I have any feelings for him or not. But I was completely unaware how to make him understand, it is so not like me. All I knew was I have no sex drive and my husband is mad.

On a Sunday afternoon, we really sat to resolve the situation. We talked for over an hour. But we could not figure out what’s wrong with me. Neil came up with a suggestion. He said we should consult a therapist. I knew Neil was turning down from inside, might be feeling unwanted, rejected, or may be betrayed, I don’t know, may be.

I agreed to his suggestion. And that’s the best decision I had taken in my entire life. He saved our lives. He saved our marriage. It was of course not a one-day show. Slowly but steadily our relationship improved. My desires came back. All I had to deal with a tsunami of hormonal imbalance. Neil was thoroughly with me. I am lucky that I got Neil. But for those who are equally suffering like me, I would share what I got to learn from the therapist.

I have no sex drive and my husband is mad. What should I do?

 

What can be the cause of lower sex drive in a woman?

Your relationship with your husband is not normal:

Yes, it’s harsh on appearance but brutally true. And it is the most common cause too. If you are fastened into an unhappy marriage, most likely you will withdraw yourself from sex. And it’s absolutely understandable. I mean, come on. You can’t turn on with the same man who hurt you emotionally.

You might not trust your husband anymore. Yeah. That can be a valid cause. Women just can’t open to a person whom she doesn’t believe. Has your husband done something to you, which broke your trust? Did he disrespect you in anyway possible?

Girl, before you say, “I have no sex drive and my husband is mad”, you need to take your relationship in your hands. Sit down. Talk to your husband. Figure out what is the root-cause. Sex drive is a by-product of your beautiful marriage. It will surely surge back.

 

It’s a matter of low self-esteem:

Are you not happy with your body? Why? The best thing you got to dwell into is your body. No matter how you look, dark, fair, tall, short, thin or fatso, no matter what your shape and size be, it’s you, truly you. Your appearance can’t compel you to feel low about yourself.

Did you put on weight or lose some recently? Has your husband said something mean because of that? Well, you can’t do anything what he could say. It’s just his opinion. But all you can do is, you can work on your figure to gain your confidence back. But that should be only if YOU want. Being in shape is a symbol of good health. Get your confidence back girl, your sex drive will follow you.

 

Deal with your hormones:

In today’s era when everybody has left dwelling into a natural and earthily environment, hormonal imbalance has become a part and parcel of life. It is really not cool to loose someone you deeply love over mere hormonal imbalance. Talk to your medical practitioner. It is very much common with the women who are at the threshold of perimenopause or menopause. With proper medicines and therapies, it can be resolved. Don’t worry.

 

Low or no communication when you both are in bed:

Have you ever discussed what turns you on and what absolutely a ‘No No’ for you? No? Girl, if you don’t open up to your husband who would listen to you?  Probably your husband doesn’t even know what your preferences are. Talk to him. He will surely understand. An open conversation can lead to a grand climax. Go for it.

 

Mental Trouble can make you crazy:

Sorry to say this girl, but are you mentally healthy? In today’s era, depression is a very common term uttered in every alternate household. That’s a different issue dear. Let’s assume you have taken antidepressant pills for that. Well, that can be a cause for your lower sex drive. Talk to a mental health practitioner. He can help you out with other kind of antidepressant.

 

 

You can’t just leave by saying, “I have no sex drive and my husband is mad”.

You can do tons of things to increase your libido.

 

Find  out first, why it is low:

Be honest girl. Be true to you. Nobody is listening you. Is it only your husband to whom you are not attracted, or is it universal for all the masculine race? What about self-love, I mean masturbation? Are you low at that too?  Do you love your husband? Do you really want to give your marriage a fair chance to ignite romance? Then following points might help you.

 

A little effort on your relationship:

Express your love for him. Just say as minimal as “I Love You”, but utter it wholeheartedly. Your words should touch his soul. It might seem unnecessary, but go for dates with your husband. Invoke romance into your day-to-day life. Soft music, candle light dinners may be clichéd and old, but dear old is gold.

 

Make love to yourself:

Firstly, understand is it libido which is down or there is some other conditioning which is fastening you to achieve a great sex. To know it, the best action is self-pleasure or masturbation. If you get the big ‘O’ during the process, there is no problem with your body, you need to work on your marriage.

https://amzn.to/3RiQ19p (This page is an Affiliate to Amazon.in)

 

Start a conversation inside the bedroom:

Talk to him. Yes. Before he jumps into bed with you, break a conversation. Tell him what you like, how you feel, let these small talks play the role of a foreplay. A complete open conversation can take both of you to a different horizon, which was yet to be discovered. This will surely help you to get back your lost sex drive.

 

Listen what your husband wants to say:

Your husband has something to say too. He has his own desires and expectations. Just give him an ear. He might be thinking that he was the culprit to turn down your sex drive. He is mad with the situation but the worst part is, he can’t do anything about it. If your husband has done nothing to lowering down your sex drive, then don’t punish him with your cloth ear. Listening to him may help you both in keeping trust in the relationship.

 

No Blame game: 

Girl this is a problem, which you both need to defeat.  You both are at the same side. Your husband is suffering too. I mean, desiring a woman he loves most can’t be his fault. So don’t play blame-game. If you go down that lane, no matter whoever wins, your marriage will fail.

 

Take a different route of intimacy:

Intimacy doesn’t mean having a grand sex. It can be as small as a deep kiss or a cozy cuddle, or  a tight hug. This might sound minimal, but trust me it can leave a great impression on your mind. Try other avenues of deep intimacies. Your sex drive may get a boost.

 

Try newness in bedroom:

Try new positions to spice it up. May be you got bored from your old regular position.  Explore each other, but this time with a newness.

 

Take help from Sex Therapist:

If you really feel you need a professional help, go to a sex therapist. She/he is the best person to help you to regain your sex drive. If taking a clinical help can save your relationship, it is very lesser priced.

 

At the end

I might have ended my marriage by saying “I have no sex drive and my husband is mad”, but I chose to figuring out the root cause and working on it. Trust me girl, life is too short to regret. Rather, working on marriage is a wiser step you can ever take.

This is Ivy’s story. We are happy that Ivy is happily married since then. She did a wonderful job. Now it’s your turn. Work on the root cause and have a happy life.

Read our other Blogs here.